How to cause a stink with your liberal co-workers

I went grocery shopping Tuesday night and I picked up a sealed veggie tray, with broccoli, celery, grape tomatoes and baby carrots. It’s ‘use by’ date was tomorrow Friday. I took it to work at 5am this morning, but there was an emergency, …so I dropped everything to attend to it. I forgot to put it in the work fridge. Sometime around noon I remembered my veggies and I was hungry, so I opened it up. I thought it smelled like strong broccoli, then as I opened it up more the distinct odor of POOF. Then it was the POOF gone bad and then A POOF on steroids. I took it over to a co-worker who immediately screamed “What is that?” “Its veggies, want some?” I replied. I was getting bad looks from everyone. Our floor square footage is huge I would say 4000 to 6000 sq feet, with endless cubes, break room, network closets the space is vast. Then I discovered I had a following. People were chasing me from the area, covering their noses and gagging. Naturally I said “who cut the cheese?” really loud. Ok, so I realized I was not going to be able to eat my veggies, so I dumped them in the break room garbage….little did I know what a literal and figurative stink that was going to cause. I had to find housekeeping; did I mention all the windows on our floor are sealed? They are. Suddenly it was mass hysteria, people coming through the stairwell door or arriving via elevator entered our chamber of horrors gagging. Paul sits right by the elevator and I heard him explaining THAT IT WAS ME who had caused that smell, using no discretion at all! A Muslim lady OK? A MUSLIM lady said ‘What is that stink” waving her hand in front of her face glancing around for a window. “Someone turn on a fan” she said. THEN she said she had thought it was an India person microwaving their food I was ready to go with that story, then her cube neighbor said “Oh no it’s her” and then pointed at me. The entire floor had poked their heads out of their cubes to find out what that smell was. Sandy had her can of Lysol going, she sits next to Kurt and I just said “Kurt put your shoes back on”, but he was too busy gagging to hear me. I grabbed the can of spray from the bathroom but that just seemed to make it worse. I finally went down to security to see if they could turn on the A/c or FAN OR SOMETHING. He gave me a can of heavy duty industrial strength odor neutralizer and sent me on my way. I argued “People are dying up there, we need AIR”. He just chuckled. I took my industrial strength can upstairs and let me tell you when I got off the elevator that stench about knocked me over, it took a moment to regain my composure and I looked around at the carnage. I had finally destroyed the enemy and I toyed with the idea of returning that industrial strength can back to security and leaving for the day. Then..In the distance I saw someone who I actually like there and wasn’t a liberal. I did it for them, I took my spray can and pushed on through the wall of stank and deodorized my floor, then finally as if God were impressed with my ability to forgive, the a/c cut in and order was restored.
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